Sometimes I Get Hungry #29

People watching affords the chance to observe people in their element. If it wasn’t for that small glimmer of life, I probably would have been driven insane with the vacuous hours I’ve spent doing security. Nowadays, I rarely do security; unless friends ask me or it’s for an event that I like or respect the music being played or the people involved with the production. Years of doing security professionally, with licenses and belts and snazzy uniforms, I’ve seen a variety of stupidities. So I present to you,

The Top Five Worst People At Shows

Owners- There are usually two types of owners of venues, A. The ones who actually make money, which I can respect because they will try their hardest to pack a house, and then there’s B. The little Napoleon complexes who use their bar to play out their regressed pre social skills. I can’t begin to recollect how many people I’ve worked with who are like this, but it sure wasn’t for long. The first indication is when they don’t like to pay for things, like skimping out on people’s wages and watering down drinks. I worked for a sexual deviant who was more interested in trying to impress sloppy drunk bar flies, so he would try to berate people. It was no surprise when the commission pulled any future liquor licenses. Then there was these little imps who insisted on letting in underage girls. When they went broke, nobody really cared because they drained them for as much free booze as they could. Then there was this one little twit who constantly messed up reservations, gave away free bottles to his troll sister who would scare away all the men, and then he cheated on his wife in front of her family. If I know more about an owner’s social life, than their business plan, then that place isn’t worth my time or yours.

The Fakes- There are a lot of types of these people. I’m not going to go into specifics since they’re so easy to spot. Let’s get real, like fifty percent of every scene, live music or electronic, is comprised of them. Usually what matters more to this patron is which kandi mask they’re going to wear to an event, or slutty Ultimate Warrior furry boots, or whatever the cliché is in that particular scene. Their constant necessity to label everything atomizes an already divided scene. Posts about “My Techno Lovelies”, which they usually spell “Lovelys”, or “Trance or Die” are just self-centered attempts at a social life of any kind. In my opinion, the greatest stasis of current Electronic Dance Music, is the depth and variety we can listen to. Those trying to segregate themselves from the grand range of music that exists shows more than just insecurity and inexperience. There’s probably a greater ignorance that drag them down and it’s going to fall on you if you allow these people to continue being a part of your life.

Promoters- Owners are the original B-Movie creature at a show, but Promoters are like the Son of Frankenstein, The Wolfman, Dracula, The Lochness Monster, and that guy who takes himself too seriously, all rolled into one. First there’s the ones that promise 200 people on a Tuesday (insert lame hip hop song here), expecting a couple of Facebook posts are going to bring in all those heads. Then there’s the antagonist control freak who wants everything to go their way. These people like to talk about being in it for the music, but like to post little things like, “Tickets almost Sold out” to try and bolster slumping sales. They expect to push around the staff because they rented out a place for one night, as if they bought the whole damn thing. These guys are like Owners, minus the perks of free booze. There’s usually a lot of little flies around them, sometimes called a street team, who kiss their ass just to get into shows for free, but also try to bend the rules of a regular establishment, killing the vibe in the process.

Photographers- The oldest trick in the book, besides that “Tickets almost sold out” bit is the “I’m the photographer” bamboozle. Even if they are photographers, most of them try to go to places their not supposed to. Like a wedding photographer taking pictures of mainly the hot cousins and not of Nana trying to tell a quick story about how she and Grandpa met. These folks care more about being on stage than about anything else. Well there’s that and trying to do blow back in the green room or trying to hover around after the show ends to lamprey some free drinks when the after party mobs leaves them behind.

1. G.I.s – Everyone of my close friends or family, who have enlisted, bring back a bunch of stories about how uncomfortable people make them when they try to thank them for their service. From personal experience, I know that the cream of the crop isn’t sent over. Then they get shipped back, and the months, upon years of being conditioned into believing they’re a badass wrecking machine doesn’t just slip away with a thirty two hour debriefing. These people come back with a necessity of making up for 2 years of lost time. So they’re going to speed through every red light, slam every door, and get fucked up at every bar. I can admit to busting up more marines, seals, and rangers, in my eight years of security than cholos, thugs, and creepers. I’ve sent them flying through windows, and I’ll tell you, it’s not like the movies. People get cut up. Worse of all is that they attack each other more than regular people, typically for no reason. The reality is that I don’t blame them. They just came back in Black Ops mode and they get ditched stateside, back with the frustration of family, friends, bills, bad ass little kids. Of course, they’re going to drink and act out. I really believe that there needs to be more support and acclimation techniques taught to soldiers. I’ve seen PTSD freak outs on dance floors, stabbings over strippers and vehicular homicides because somebody left their I.D. back at the barracks. That level of unpredictability needs accountability, before another tragedy like the Fort Hood shootings happens again… hmm, well again “again”.

This Week In Music:

I got super sick from the flu last week, so I’m sorry for the lack of music. No, not ebloa. Everything isn’t ebola. Just like everything wasn’t the swine flu or the bird flu. Anyways, I missed a bunch of work and school and I especially missed out on a bunch of free music, because the dizziness couldn’t handle all “dat” bass. Anyways, four free downloads this week. I’m on a big Electro trip right now. Thanks for Reading and make sure you share.

Gunslinger – Nothings Good Enough

I was just talking about missing all the good Electro from pre- explosion times, so it’s great to find this song. Instrument heavy, 144 bpm fluctuations pushing the gravity of centralized House and old school Tech. Those playful synths and a living vocal is so welcome from some of the deadpan remixes I’ve been hearing nowadays. I’m not going to call it Psy, although, it does have a couple of fixations like it.

Night Drive – Young Rivals (Off Da Clock Remix)

This week is full of old synth pop. We found a Footloose soundtrack on vinyl shoved onto a Van Halen shelf. Then we get a New Order album that appears out of nowhere, although it’s all warped and completely unplayable. I’ve been hearing a lot Nu Wave/Nu Disco pop coming out and a lot of it is good. It’s not as Deep or Progressive as Garage, but it’s catchy and technical.

Bently Dean – Someone Like Her

This one is definitely born from the modern wave of Deep House that’s recently been dominating the scene. Hopefully, you recognize that sample, because you know I have a thing for 90’s vocals. There’s enough rise and traction for a dancefloor. Plenty of proficient timing and spacing for club mixes and long sets. Just don’t play it out, the end is a bit weak.

Kings of the Universe – Acid Is The Answer ( Vocal Mix)

We all know that Electro was born from Acid House. The vocal is reminiscent of mid-nineties tomes, where the form is late nineties London. Sure I have an attraction to this, those were what my cousin’s used to spin and because half of the Sega Genesis loading screens sounded like it. The pulse is fantastic. This is my Track of the Week.

Next Week: We take an in-depth look at the “EDM” explosion.

Raul Chacon is a self-aware douchebag, who only listens to bands you’ve probably never heard of. His years of writing for literary reviews and magazines, lead him to a couple of scholarships for his work, which he quickly squandered by moving to Austin and going to shows six days a week(instead of class). Eventually, he became a touring security guard and witnessed hundreds of shows and dozens of festivals firsthand. He would tell you how many shows he’s been to; but there’s too many holes in his brain at this point.


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